Nothing can stop me from blogging, I used old photographs of me since I don't have latest ones. This post would technically mean the world to me, TEXT & PORTRAIT. I'll be prolly spill things  about me and  some thoughts & realizations filling up my mind. This ones something different, the weather really makes me do something crazy. So yeah, here you go. 

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? Like you don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy? But at the same time you don't exactly know what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand cos they haven't been there. I've been messed with, let down, got depressed, played with, cheated on, had full happiness again and again. I wonder what people think of me too much, and I'm way too judgmental. My heart is big but i have my selfish moments also, who doesn't have? I love to be in big groups, I also want to be alone sometimes just that thought of having so much people around me irritates me so much. I tend to over think things and I trust way too many people but now I have the people I'd love to pack up and leave with and some to just be left behind and I wish would just disappear. I don't cry very often, but when I do I can't stop. I hate the word goodbye and I wish it didn't exist at all, it's like that's the most hurtful word I know. I know I still have secrects hidden in me that even I don't know. I'm still finding things out about myself. 

That's what life is about... MAYBE. Those moments when you feel entirely carefree, like nothing can touch you, like you're the happiest person ever. It's those moments that make the hard parts so worth it. It's moments like that that make your heartache bearable. At this age, I know life is changing for me. Day by day I just don;t notice it, but I just look back over the past year and I realize that everything has. To the people I thought that were going to be with me forever, aren't here anymore and people I never imagined I'd be speaking to are now some of my closest friends. Life makes a little sense and the more I grow the less sense it will make. 

I will never understand why I ended up thi way or what the reason was for. I'll never understand why this world is so cruel and barely anyone cares. I'll never understand a lot of things like why people lie, cheat and steal. Why they are rude, mean, bitchy, horrible, insensitive, inconsiderate. I'll never understand how pain never goes away. I'll never understand love or hate.  I just don't get Happiness & sadness. I don't get everything. But all I know is this things will give & teach us lessons, this things will get us through life. So mke the most of it now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all of this is only going to be memories and just lessons learned. 

xoxo, 

Chesca de Mesa